Colossians 3:18-22 (KJV) “Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. Servants, obey in all things your masters according, to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God:” Think with me on this, why does Paul write to the Church about the lifestyle of the FAMILY, I think it is because the church is made up of families and is like a family it’s self. I believe that the FAMILY in Paul’s day was already coming to the point of the FAMILY of our day. Satan was already attacking the FAMILY in these new born churches in hopes of destroying the CHURCH, just as he tried to destroy the things of GOD at the beginning during the GARDEN of EDEN. When Satan caused CAIN to be JEALOUS of his brother, even to the point where Cain KILLED his brother because he was so JEALOUS of Able and caused the banishment of the first FAMILY from the GARDEN. Jealousy has no place in the FAMILY and has no place in the CHURCH!! I have seen FAMILIES and CHURCHES completely destroyed because of JEALOUSY that really was based on nothing but GOSSIP. So let’s look at the FAMILY and see what the individual parts of the FAMILY should look like, how they should conduct themselves. So let us begin by looking at the WIVES and HUSBANDS and what Paul says to them. Please listen closely and/or follow along in your Bibles. Here in verses 18 and 19 of Colossians the 3rd chapter. “Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.”
Wives and Husbands: The Apostle Paul here gives us some “duties” for the wife and the husband, or some “actions” that they should be taking towards each other. I am quite sure that you that are present here and those that are reading this would like for me to tell you what this means, but I am NOT going to do that, what I am going to do is take you to more scripture that the Apostle Paul wrote about WIVES and HUSBANDS, when he compares it with the CHURCH and the relationship that is between JESUS THE CHRIST (who is the HEAD) and the Church (which is the body of Christ), then each of you can obey GOD’s WORD in your “actions” towards your SPOUSE. I won’t to read more of Paul’s writings and other apostles to confirm what Paul is trying to get across to the people that are hearing or reading his letter to the Church. So, turn with me and read along with me what Paul says in Ephesians 5:21-33 (KJV) “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it: That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself, and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” Now I want us to reparse these verses by looking at the definitions of some words and phrases to determine what PAUL is actually saying: Let us start with the phrase “SUBMITTING YOURSELVES”
So, Submitting Yourselves: I really like the way Paul starts out this set of scriptures, don’t you? He makes it clear here that he is talking to both the Husband and the Wife, and that he is not just singling out or lecturing the Wife or the Husband. He is not taking the side of either one but is addressing all factions of the FAMILY structure as it is in his day and it fits very will with the FAMILY or our day. So each one of them HUSBAND and WIFE have made a commitment by submitting themselves to the other one. Lets look at the word SUBMIT and see what it actually means.
Submit: The word submit in the Greek, in this instance, means to willingly place yourself in subjection to the other one in the union, that you have made. To “submit yourself unto”. For the woman to place herself under subjection to this one man or the man should have placed himself under subjection to this one woman, that the two, man and woman, have joined themselves together with each other and become ONE FLESH. Please, never forget that. That is a very, very IMPORTANT part of the union, as part of the, if you will, MARRIAGE. The man and woman coming together become as one and should conduct their lives as MAN and Wife as one. Now I would like for us to look quickly at the next phrase “IN THE FEAR OF GOD”.
So, here we go: In the fear of GOD: This phrase simply means, out of reverence for the Authority of GOD and our LOVE and Obedience to HIM and all that HE is. Knowing that the union that they are about to engage in or have engaged in, is in the sight of GOD and under HIS AUTHORITY and HIS RULE! If you take GOD out of the equation the marriage is most likely to fail, to crumble, to collapse. So most of our FAMILIES, in our day and time, are reaping the consequences, of one of or both parties of the UNION deciding to not let GOD’s AUTHORITY, RULE in their union, their marriage or in their FAMILY. When SOCIETY began to leave GOD out of their lives, everything began to crumble, the FAMILY UNIT, THE CHURCH, THE SCHOOLS, THE GOVERNMENT, and LIFE as we used to know it. When IMMORALITY, LIES, WORLDLY PLEASURES, DISHONESTY, and really SINS of all kinds began to REIGN in the midst of the FAMILY unit and replace, the LOVE FOR GOD. Then it was just a matter of time until everything of the FAMILY structure would begin to DISSOLVE and turn into something else other than that which GOD meant for it to be. With the DISSOLVEMENT of the FAMILY UNIT it was only natural that our GOVERNMENTS, our CHURCHES, and our SOCIETY would be MELTED and turned into something hardly recognizable. Have you ever seen how a plastic toy car, or any plastic object looks after it has been melted in a fire, you can not tell what it looks like, you can not recognize it. That is the way it is when you leave GOD out of your FAMILY, out of your GOVERNMENT, out of your life, it becomes nothing but a BLOB or matter. You can’t tell what it was, before you removed GOD from it. Now let us look at the word “OWN”:
Own: So!!! I think that this word was used because GOD’s HOLY SPIRIT actually gave the verse that way to the Apostle Paul because of the times and customs of that area that it was written in, and some of the things that men were doing in those times, men were trying to teach to all of the wives that they had to submit or subject themselves to them or to any man, or any husband. I think that it was given that way so that MEN could not demand submission from any WOMAN whom HE might want or visa versa. I have talked with some who say and really seem to be bragging about it, and I will quickly interject here that it was not anyone from this church or community, that they have an “OPEN” marriage and that they and their spouse can submit to anyone they please. Of course that is not according to what is taught in the confines of the BIBLE. But doesn’t that sound just like Satan, always twisting the Word of GOD trying to make it different than it really is. The next word I want to look at is the HEAD.
Head: In some marriages this has caused some controversy. But, it simply means the leader, but as any good leader, that person should respect the opinion of those that he is leading, and decide what would be best for everyone involved, therefore he should respect the opinion of his own wife, and give it the same WEIGHT that he places on his own opinion. I believe that means that the HUSBAND AND the WIFE should discuss family decisions together and should come to an agreement, in what to do, in what to have, in all things pertaining to the functioning of the FAMILY! Now, I am not bragging, or meaning that that is what I always done it but just saying that that’s the way we should or leaders should do. Let’s look at our next word which is SAVIOUR:
Saviour: I believe that this word was put here to stress what CHRIST was to the CHURCH and how that HE cherished and LOVED the “BODY OF CHRIST”. Next word is SUBJECT.
Subject: This is the same Greek word that was, just a few lines before this one, translated as “SUBMIT”. Stressing the need for the wife to be willingly subjecting herself to her husband, and also just before that where he said that both Husband and Wife were to submitting themselves to each other. I believe that it shows that Jesus, who is the Christ, is sitting at the right hand of the Father to LEAD and GUIDE us and not STANDING over the CHURCH cracking a whip over our heads forcing us to do things, so because of the nature of the word every husband should always be a willing leader, willing to be open to his own wife to be helping him to make the decisions, and to help his wife with all things of a family matter. Again not forgetting that HE and SHE have become one FLESH, one PERSON. The next word is LOVE.
Love: The word is (ag-ap-ah’-o) that was first used by Jesus as he was speaking to Nicodemus and explaining to him about how a person could be “BORN AGAIN”. None of the ancient writers, or any of the profane writers had penned this word or in other words had not ever written it in any of their books. But GOD’s HOLY SPIRIT led JOHN to pen this WORD! So, MEN!! we are to LOVE our wives as JESUS LOVED the CHURCH and gave HIS LIFE for it. A selfless LOVE, a PURE LOVE, a LOVE that drives us to put others first, to put our wive’s wants and wishes before our own. DO WE? Do we put them first in our FAMILY LIFE? Let’s settle in our minds men, that we have got to adjust that LOVE that we have for our wives so it becomes comparable with that same LOVE that caused JESUS to willingly come to this earth and go all of the way to the CROSS ON THE HILL of GOLGATHA, and to allow his enemies to NAIL HIM there on that CROSS , with large SPIKES, so that WE might have LIFE and have it more abundantly. We also have to look at the LOVE that GOD the FATHER had that made HIM able to give up HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON, to come and be that sacrifice. These types of LOVE, these examples that the FATHER and the SON have left us is the type of LOVE that we have got to have, that we MUST have for our WIVES. The next words that I want us to look at are SPOT, WRINKLE and ANY THING LIKE IT.
Spot: A word that means no stain, no blemish, no DISGRACE. We should never do anything to, or say anything to our wife that would cause her disgrace, even disgrace in HER own eyes.
Wrinkle: Which means, just what we think it does, wrinkles in their body that are caused by WORRY or STRIFE that is brought about by our WORDS or ACTIONS. We should always pray, GOD HELP ME TO LOVE AS GOD LOVES. Then next just a quick look at the phrase:
Any such Thing: Because it simply means “OF THIS SORT” talking about the spots or wrinkles, anything that causes our wifes pain or suffering. Whether that pain or suffering, be PHYSICAL, be MENTAL or even be SPIRITUAL. Then Paul sums it up by saying:
Without Blemish: Now, these words are how our relationship as the BODY OF CHRIST is to be with the HEAD of the BODY, which is JESUS of Nazereth the CHRIST. But they are given as an example of what, we men, should be in our relationship as the HEAD of our UNION with our WIFE. Listen MEN! If we pattern our actions and words after the LORD JESUS CHRIST we will always be doing what GOD wants in our MARRIAGE! The next phrase is ONE-FLESH:
One Flesh: Where does this idea, this thought come from, that the APOSTLE PAUL uses here. I know that that is a facetious question, but I just wanted to spark a thought in our minds, that GOD is the one that AUTHORIZED this kind of UNION. THAT GOD IS THE ONE that seen the NEED for Adam, or man, to have a “HELP MEET” and took steps, what he deemed necessary steps, to bring this UNION about. This very important step in creation, the forming of the FAMILY UNIT, was made so that mankind could be propagated and advanced in the way GOD wanted it to be. GOD created them, MALE and FEMALE, and that is the way HE meant for it to be. Satan is the one who has, for all of these years, been trying to change that. And, may I remind us of what happened to SODOM and GOMORRAH because of it. Again, I reiterate, 1 MAN, 1 WOMAN, brought together by GOD as 1 FLESH. So now then another directive for us MEN, the Bible says that a man MUST:
Love HIS Wife as himself: Men we must LOVE our wives as our self, let me read Ephesians 5:33 (KJV) “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself;” meaning each one of us individually, of ourself, not what other men are doing, but what GOD through HIS HOLY WORD has told each one of us to be like, sometimes we like to try and shift the blame by saying to ourselves or others, HEY, but look at John, Jim, David, Paul they do it this way or that way, but you know that makes no difference to us, WE, “IN PARTICULAR” know and are responsible for obeying GOD to be the HUSBAND that HE wants us to be! Now let us look at the word REVERENCE:
Reverence: Now, why should wives do this or why should wives reverence their husband, Look at what the Apostle Peter says in 1 Peter 3:1-7 (KJV) “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.” Ladies, you say you want your husband to be saved, you say you believe he is not a “born again” believer! Well! According to Peter, your husband can be WON not by your words, but by your “CONVERSATION” or by your “LIFESTYLE”. Your husbands, that are not saved or are not displaying any interest in “following Christ” are watching you not only because they think you are beautiful, which you are, but to see if you are living as GOD says you are supposed to be living, and watching to see if you are REVERENCING GOD, seeing if you FEAR GOD in the way the Bible teaches. Then they can begin to see that maybe there is something REAL to this CHRISTAINTY stuff, and begin to see that they need it, and that they can have the same type of HAPPINESS and SECURITY that you have in this man called CHRIST.